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User talk:KnotSnappy
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Man at my Door page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! EmpyrealInvective (talk) 13:25, March 25, 2016 (UTC) Edits Hi KnotSnappy. Is there a reason why your are using indentation in your story? We don't indent stories on this wiki. Also, the way to sign your stories as yours is by adding at the bottom of your story. MrDupin (talk) 15:17, March 25, 2016 (UTC) :With ~~~~ you sign your posts on other users' talk pages. Your stories should be signed with , but only if you are the original author. :Don't worry about it, but in the future don't indent your stories and use the by-user template if possible, as it makes it easier for mods/admins. Thank you and have a nice day. MrDupin (talk) 16:02, March 25, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:50, March 29, 2016 (UTC) Re: Story Starting with the basics, remember a typical paragraph is 5-10 sentences. Your third paragraph is 20+ sentences and is blocky and difficult to read. Onto the punctuation, wording, and story issues. Punctuation: As you're directly listing text messages, the punctuation should be outside the quotations as they're not including those punctuation marks. "http://www.–¿¿ÄÄ∆.com/?/1.jpg/," the message read.", ""Ask this person something," the text input box read, "anything."", ""I was just about to ask you that," the person replied." If you're paraphrasing the text, it's alright to leave that punctuation inside the quotations. Wording issues: Redundancies. "None of my friends were online at the time, so I just sat there waiting to see a notification that anyone came online", "My arm twitched as I quickly shoved the mouse pointer to the Enjin tap and pressed down, hearing the loud click of my mouse as I did so.", "I was about ready to ask again who this person was, now asking a completely different person.", etc. Avoid re-stating words/statements in rapid succession. Awkward wording: "Nothing came up for around an hour of waiting, so I decided to try and find videos on YouTube again, my attempt earlier that morning ending up fruitless.", " now almost met the time of the person in the video from earlier. ", etc. I advised your earlier account to read stories aloud to yourself to catch these issues, I would suggest taking this advice. Wording issues cont.: " I could see in a glare on the screen the person's horrified face for a split second before it was cut of (off) by a red spray onto the screen.", "The time in the to right of the screen increased by one minute.", etc. Story issues: You reveal the twist very early in the story and weaken its impact on the climax. Lines like: "I could now see the metal frames of the monitor, showing that it was an iMac, just like my computer." and "I could barely see it, but I still could make out the Enjin profile picture of my friend Eli in the bottom right of the screen." It's pretty obvious that this is their computer so it seems odd that they wouldn't address this and keep messing around with the site despite seeing someone (seemingly) murdered moments earlier. Finally there is a pretty big plot hole in the story. ""Who is this?" the recorder asked. I was shocked by this. I waited almost a full minute before replying. "I was just about to ask you that," I said as my face began to distort with realization." If they're just repeating their conversation, why did they see a completely different face on their computer? If it's meant to be a different person, why are they using the protagonist's computer? Additionally how is the entity traveling between each place and killing people if they're separate. In the end, I feel like this needs a lot more explanation and clarification for the premise to work. The overall wording, punctuation, and story issues weigh the story down. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:21, March 29, 2016 (UTC)